find out Dear R
Was it difficult to find me? I saw that you did come knock on this door. Was it worth it the trip down these alleys, that lead you to this chaos that is me? I am here to answer this call and look at you in the eye for hours at end. But tell me, is it me that you found or just the feeling that this was what you had come looking for?
I try not to sound selfish but I can’t give too much away. I know this is a trip I want to go on but don’t know if this is how it’s meant to be. I feel what the world calls sadness, but deep inside it feels so much better. You can’t understand the bad if good hadn’t existed for you. If I understood your words truly, then I’m glad you didn’t say anything of that out loud. Because yes, I’m selfish, and I’d like to keep it all to myself. They talk of songs and poetry, but I’ve seen words dance in a way unknown. I find myself gloating that I could understand it, without you saying anything at all.
I hope you can feel me, feel each word say what it is really doing here. The movements the vibrations, the dance around reality. Come lets read, reading you reading me. No it’s not over, it never is. I am a storyteller, each and every part of me. But I guess you knew that from the start.
Waiting to start it all over again.
He had been a biter always. Or so he claimed. I had to find out. It wasn’t the right moment, or maybe the place. But all my mind could think of, was his touch, his bite. Flicking my hair aside I baited him. He couldn’t look away. There was his kryptonite. My neck.
“She did what? “
“But didn’t you ask her why?”
“Hmmmm didn’t seem that way at all to me”
“Are you going anyway?”
“No I won’t say anything”
“I’m married not stupid”
“Yes, it’s ok”
“Yes, the unmarried ones will never get us”
“Carry a gloss for me, I can’t go home”
So much to say, such little time. I peered at that tiny piece of paper and thought, “a memo? That’s how I’d tell him I had always loved him?”
Braving myself up to this I scribbled in my neatest best,
“It was always you, will always be you.
He understood it, perfectly.
The sirens blared all around her, the smoke thick and dark.
It was too late now, but this was all she knew.
If control would have been a friend this would have never happened.
She now hated him as she had always loved him, limitless.
If only she could have budgeted either emotion, but alas.
“So how did you and my wife meet? “
“At a play, last year sometime.”
“oh yes, a monologue I guess.”
“really? She hates those. Wait aren’t you Anand? I thought you guys went to college together.”
“Oh! yes, yes that too. Ummmm I need another drink.”
He gulped. This was it. Finally.
Was years since she’d last seen him.
These visits took away so much from her each time.
He came for his entertainment, enrichment and hearts full of love and left.
All she did was file these moments away.
Who knew, some day she’d write it all out and have volumes selling in every bookstore.
It was the same routine as always,
A take away coffee, and a donut to eat here.
He waited for these 10 minutes every day.
As usual she looked up smiled at him and went back to licking her fingers.
The dream lived on, she would be his one day.
He only had to ask.